THERE! RIGHT THERE! Parody's on Konoha's Theater now!
by Odnoliub Kitsune
Summary: Our most beloved ninjas want to cheer the village up! So, what would be better than performing this song from "Legally Blonde the Musical" in front of all town and have some fun while doing so? Hm, maybe... Getting Neji to interpret Mikos! [One-Shot, SongFic, Idk, AU-where-nobody-s-ever-died, Yaoi and Yuri Hints!]


—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—

 **THERE! RIGHT THERE! Parody's on Konoha's Theatre now!**

—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—

It was a peaceful dark spring night, where the sky was clear and the wind was just a breeze.

All Konoha's villagers were walking around with pamphlets about something on their hands, and near Konoha's center, the theatre had a long apparently-never-ending line of people waiting for the giant doors to open and let them in.

In the safety of Konoha's Theatre, everything was more than perfectly ready for the little show the group was going to perform that night, and even Kakashi, who was there just to make some fun of them, was expecting this to be a great memory for everybody in the back of his mind. He was never going to let Naruto, Sakura or Sasuke live this down if they messed it up somehow nonetheless.

Behind the courtains, Sasuke stood watching as his blond best friend was practically bouncing around the room nervously, waiting impatiently for their play to start.

Sakura had passed him the rumour that a whole bunch of people was outside already, and there was another half an hour left before the security guards opened the doors yet.

"It's just a song! Why would everyone be so excited about it, ttebayo? It's like- Three minutes of their lifespan wasted for nothing!" He muttered pacing around as he tousled himself. Konoha's best hero surely was a ball of nerves at that very moment.

Sasuke just sighed and stepped on his way, holding him still with two hands on his shoulders. "Stop doing that, you're making me nervous and I don't even have a reason to be nervous, you idiot." When Naruto opened his mouth to come up with something, he covered it quickly with his own hand. "People's here because we're the fucking saviors of Konoha and yet we're going to do something as silly as this to give them a good time, Naruto. You were the one to accept Iruka's whole idea about this for all of us, now deal with it and calm down before I smash your head to the closest wall." Naruto blinked wide-eyed at him, and he relaxed letting his hand drop and his gaze soften. "Just chill, dobe."

"Hey, guys!" Came a voice from behind them, getting their heads to turn to see Tenten and Ino already dressed up for the show standing a few steps back. "What are you doing here? Everybody's on the dressing rooms!"

Sakura stood up from where she was sitting down on the edge of the stage, reading again her lines, and walked towards them smiling sheepishly. "Naruto's got a nervous breakdown and Sasuke didn't want to be caged with everybody up there", she explained dropping her shoulders a little.

"That's..." Both girls exchanged an uncertain look. "We see", Tenten finally said.

"How's Neji doing?", Sakura asked wasting no time. "Last time I saw him he was trying to jump by the window just to escape this!", she giggled with the other girls.

"He is..." Tenten scratched her cheek, thoughtfully. "Doing better now."

Ino smirked slightly, letting her mind travel back to the dressing rooms where Shikamaru was holding Neji down to a chair using his Kagemane no Jutsu and Rock Lee and Sai were trying to speak him out of the idea of fleeing now.

"This will be sooo amazing."

"It better be, dattebayo!"

—o—o—o—

The time between the waiting and the start of their performance flew faster than they imagined it'd do, and so as Kakashi was still on the front talking about the performance and where the original song came from, the group of young ninjas was getting ready in their places.

This wasn't really as the original, it wasn't a play where they'd act as if Neji was being judged but a school setting. There were chairs, desks, some school-like-decorations as paperboard windows and doors... And with the lights yet to be turned on, the young ninjas were scattered around like this: Sakura, Ino, Hinata and Naruto were on the middle of the stage, with the girls propperly accommodated on their chairs and the Uzumaki leaning against the opposite desk, arms folded and facing them. Tenten was right at his side, pretending to be doing some homework. Shikamaru and Chouji were at their back, with the shadows pro propping his legs lazily on the desk and his best friend munching potato chips. Kiba and Shino were at their other side, and behind the boys' desk was Sai, painting on a giant canvas. Sasuke was sitting alone on the very front of the class setting, looking outside a 'window', a pen rolling between his fingers.

Hidden, certain long-haired boy had to take a _deep_ breathe as the curtains finally slid and everybody could see the stage. Dim blue lights fell on them.

And all of them were dressed like fine students, of course.

Neji composed himseld and walked in with a yellow bright light falling on him. And he had just opened 'the door' when another bright light fell on Sakura while she looked and pointed at him and began to sing as the melody played on the background, "There! Right There! Look at that tan, well tinted skin."

Ino soon joined her. "Look at the killer shape he's in." And Neji walked to sit slowly on his chair, hanging his backpack on the back of it. "Look at that slightly stubbly chin."

Both girls huffed and batted their hands, exchanging looks.

"Oh. Please he's gay, totally gay."

Near them, Chouji shook his head and stopped munching for a moment. "I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate." And Shikamaru raised his eyebrow questioningly at him, and he crooked a determined smile as he finished. "This guy's not gay, I say not gay."

Naruto, Hinata, Tenten and Kiba turned their heads at the same time to stare at their 'classmate' friend as he stood up and approached the board, erasing the word 'straight' along with everything written on it.

"That is the elephant in the room." They sang. "Well is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey?"

Tenten sighed dreamily.

"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks."

Ino made a face.

"Look at his silk translucent socks."

Shikamaru sighed heavily glancing at the ceiling.

"There's the eternal paradox."

And suddenly Sasuke turned in his chair, looking as bored as serious.

"Look what we're seeing."

Sai paused his painting and looked at him.

"What are we seeing?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Is he gay?"

Naruto laughed, grinning and raising a hand in the air as if he was going to answer an important class question.

"Of course he's gay!"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and stood up, placing both of his hands on his desk.

"Or European?"

Then everybody but Shikamaru, Sasuke and Neji himself went "Ohhhhhh..."

Looking slighy concerned, the girls leant closer to each other. "Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European?" They spared a look at Shino.

He shook his head.

"Well, hey, don't look at me."

Sakura stood up and went to the back, picking a book from the book shelves.

"You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports."

Chouji nodded.

"They play peculiar sports."

And all of them but Neji chant, "In shiny shirts and tiny shorts."

Kiba groanned and Naruto scratched the back of his head.

"Gay or foreign fella?" And Neji started to tidy up the teacher's desk, moving a hand to place some strands of dark hair behind his ear. He was using some pink-and-green earbuds. "The answer could take weeks."

Sai moved his paintbrush on the air.

"They both say things like 'Ciao Bella' while they kiss you on both cheeks."

Sasuke facepalmed himself.

"Oh, please."

And all but Shikamaru, Neji and Sasuke sang again.

"Gay or European? So many shades of gray."

Sai interjected again.

"Depending on the time of day, the French go either way."

Naruto, Tenten, Kiba and even Chouji who was earlier defending Neji exchanged looks.

"Is he gay or European? Or-"

Hinata suddenly raised to her feet and stared very hard at the ground as Neji approached Sakura and they started talking.

"T-There! Right There! Look at that condescending smirk. S-Seen it on every guy at work." She frowned and raised her face, which was really red at the moment. "That is a metro hetero jerk. My cousin's not gay, I say no way!"

This got everybody singing now.

"That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to presume..."

The girls sighed and Tenten raised to take her 'homework' to the teacher's desk as she sang along her other friends.

"That a hottie in that costume"

Naruto took a seat on an empty chair, narrowing his eyes at Neji as he moved from Sakura to Sasuke.

"Is automatically-radically"

Shino raised both of his eyebrows.

"Ironically chronically"

Sai rubbed his chin.

"Certainly pertin'tly"

Chouji swallowed some chips.

"Genetically medically"

And then Neji leant closer the Uchiha and everybody started raising to their feet.

"GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY!"

And Tenten approached them as Neji placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

"OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY--"

And then he brushed something off of it and winked his eye at Tenten, hugging her by the waist with one arm and kissing her cheek.

"DAMNIT!"

Boys gathered around the girls' table.

"Gay or European?"

Although Shikamaru just stayed where he was.

"So stylish and relaxed."

Sai, Kiba and Naruto were frowning, and Neji turned his head from Tenten to see Rock Lee entering class walking on his hands.

"Is he gay or European?"

Shino drew attention for a moment with an unexpected comment.

"I think his chest is waxed."

Sakura finally returned to her place, showing a book opened by its half at them.

"But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse."

Hinata stuttered, "It's not a fashion curse..."

And Tenten, Sakura, Ino and even Sai finished for her.

"If he wears a kilt or bears a purse."

Naruto rested an elbow on Sasuke's shoulder at his side and dark-eyes locked with blue ones.

"Gay or just exotic?"

Kiba and Shino shrugged.

"I still can't crack the code."

Chouji raised a potato on the air while he tilted his head towards where Neji was talking with Lee in whispers about something.

"Yes, his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed."

Nobody seemed to have noticed so all of them, even Rock Lee and Neji themselves looked down at Neji's shoes. Chouji was right!

"Huh."

Finally, Lee nodded and Neji bumped his shoulder with a fist.

"Gay or European? So many shades of gray..."

Tenten jolted up from her seat to run to Neji and hung on his neck, showing him a sheet of paper with her phone number scrabbled in big, bright red numbers.

"But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday!"

The others' heads spun around to where Sai was standing, and the too-pale-to-be-healthy boy turned his canvas for them to see a perfectly drawn map of Europe on it.

"Is he gay or European?"

"Gay or European?", they repeated while Naruto and Sasuke finished talking about something. "Gay or Euro-"

Naruto grinned sagaciously and Sasuke folded his arms.

"Wait a minute!", Naruto said. "Give us a chance to crack this guy."

And Sasuke nodded.

"We have an idea we'd like to try."

Shikamaru's interest picked up and he even sat up propperly on his chair, motioning his hand towards Neji's friends group.

"The floor is yours."

Naruto and Sasuke walked to them and the Uchiha stood at Neji's side while Naruto did the same, on the other side. Tenten left, but Rock Lee stood right where he was, listening intently even though he pretended to be stretching.

Sasuke started, "So Mr. Hyūga..." And he pointed at Tenten with his head. "This alleged affair with Ms. Ten has been going on for...?"

Neji raised an eyebrow.

"6 years."

Ino gasped on the dim background."Really?" And Tenten chuckled nervously. "Y-You could say...?"

Then, Naruto asked.

"And your first name again is...?"

Neji stared at him like if he couldn't believe he was even answering the idiot.

"Neji."

Sasuke talked again.

"And your boyfriend's name is...?"

Neji smiled unconsciously at this.

"Rock Lee."

Naruto exclaimed "It actually worked!" at the same time Sai, Hinata, Ino, Sakura and Tenten gasped. "What!?"

Neji realized what he just said and Rock Lee stopped grinning cheerfully as he listened Neji's next words.

"I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend. I thought you say best friend. Rock Lee is my... best friend."

And the Hyūga seemed pretty smug about it now.

Rock Lee was having none of this.

"You bastard!" He yelled.

Everybody paid attention and Chouji even shared his chips with Kiba.

"You lying bastard!", Rock Lee went on. "That's it. I no cover for you, no more!"

Neji tried to stop him, but the mushroom-haired boy broke free from the grasp on his arm and ran towards the teachers' desk, jumping on it and clapping his hands a bit.

"Peoples. I have a big announcement! This man" he pointed at Neji "is Gay AND European!"

Tenten and Hinata looked incredulous, crying "No!"

But Rock Lee didn't listen.

"And neither is disgrace, you've got to stop your being a completely closet case."

All boys whistled and some muttered "Oh...!"

Rock Lee pointed at himself, "It's me not her he's seeing. No matter what he say!" He added when Neji was about to protest.

And as Rock Lee jumped from desk to desk towards Neji, Naruto and Sasuke, Shikamaru told Chouji, "Told you."

"I swear he never ever ever swing the other way."

Sai muttered, "That explains a lot."

And Rock Lee finally reached them and pulled Neji on a chair holding his hand. He looked outraged.

"You are so gay, you big parfait!" He grabbed Neji by the collar of his shirt. "You flaming boy band cabaret!"

Neji tried to free himself, frowning.

"I'm straight!"

Rock Lee paused to stare at him, blank-face.

"You were not yesterday."

Chouji, Kiba and Shino made faces. "Uhhh...!"

Rock Lee smirked then. "So if I may, I'm proud to say", he turned towards his fellow classmates. "He's gay!"

"And European!" Everybody sang but Neji and Lee himself.

Rock Lee nodded.

"He's gay!"

And they repeated, "And European!"

Ino, Hinata and Sakura turned to look concerned at Tenten. "He's gay!", they told her.

"And European, and Gaaay!" Everybody else said, with Naruto pointing at the giant word 'GAY' he had written on the blackboard and Sai holding up his canvas.

Tenten stood up abruptly and left the classroom with Hinata and Sakura following her, and Neji growled.

"Fine, okay, I'm gay!"

Rock Lee beamed at him and gave him a hug, lifting Neji from his feet and spinning around with the Hyūga.

"Hooray!"

Ino and Shikamaru laughed wholeheartedly. "We already knew that."

And the lights went off, and nothing else was heard in the Theatre for a moment, until all Konoha's villagers suddenly started clapping his hands and whistling and laughing and cheering.

Kakashi and Iruka smiled as they both let the curtains fall, and then the play was over.

—o—o—o—

Already dressed like usual, everybody laughed on the dressing room while Neji stood on a corner holding his red-pale face with both hands and Tenten patted kindly his back.

"Did you hear Anko and Tsunade's laughs when Rock Lee said 'you were not yesterday'!? I nearly cackled right there, too!"

"Rock Lee, your performance was 100/10." Shino nodded.

"A-Ah, thanks, mates! Yours too, haha!"

"Forget about that. Did you see my parents!? They were the only ones looking disapproving when we were done!, hahaha."

"Giant-forehead, you know they'll kill you later for participating in this, don't you?"

"Shut up, Ino-pig!"

"Someome else noticed the loud squeaking of girls whenever Sasuke and Naruto worked together?"

"Please", Naruto huffed. "For them, we're canon!" And he laughed, jostling Sasuke.

"You wish, usuratonkachi."

"I-I ship you two, too..." Came Hinata's stutter.

Everybody laughed, and Shikamaru was the first one to leave the room along with Chouji.

"How troublesome."

Soon, all of them were out but Neji, Tenten and Rock Lee. The girl looked carefully around before nodding to both of her friends and they smiled more relaxedly then. Shifting closer in their seats.

"Well, that was something, boys", said Ten. "Don't you feel better now, after letting everybody in Konoha know about your tendencies?"

Neji looked up at her, shaking his head.

"I'm not doing something like this _ever_ again."

And Rock Lee rested his head on the Hyūga's shoulder, and Tenten sighed contently.

"You did great, Neji-kun."

"Enough, I'm leaving you two alone, loving-birds."

"You don't need to-"

"Thanks, Tenten-san!"

"Bye!"

She left, letting the door close behind her as she walked away and out of the Theatre's building.

She was so happy for her friends, really. It was just sad they wouldn't come out of the 'closet' in reality as they'd done that evening in the play.

"You are late."

The brunette's eyes widened, and she swiped on her heels to look at that voice's owner.

"Temari!"

"You forgot our date, didn't you?"

Tenten's lips curved up in a playful smile and she approached the blond young woman to hold her hand and reassume the walking.

"Of course not."

Well, maybe she wasn't nearly as 'out of the closet' as she should be, either.

—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—o—

 **I'M NOT EVEN SORRY.**

 **I HOPE YOU LIKED IT, REVIEWS WILL BE MORE THAN WELL-WELCOMED AND-- HAHA, BYE!**

 **(Greetings from Jupiter! /Hearts/)**


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